Manners Matter
Back when fast food meant primary-colored plastic tables and chairs bolted to the floor, noisy kids weren't so out of place. It was understood: fast food was for kids, while casual dining on up was for adults...and the occasional, extremely well-behaved child.
Today it's safe to say fast-food—ahem, quick-serve—restaurants are somewhat more adult places. Most chains have seriously stepped up their decor, daring even to put fabric upholstery and flat-screen TVs in the dining rooms.
All of which make the environment a bit less forgiving to food-tossing, loud-talking kids.
Raise your hand if you've struggled to enforce good behavior from your kids in restaurants. Oh, you, too? Uh huh. We've been there, over and over.
In the ongoing search for effective discipline methods, we've been happiest with the Love and Logic series. Have you heard of it? It's not perfect—no "method" applies perfectly to every family—but I love its no-yelling, no-lecturing, consequences-driven approach.
Love and Logic sends a weekly enewsletter. Thought you might enjoy reading this snippet from a recent one:
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Manners MatterMaybe you’ve also noticed that manners seem to be a rare commodity these days. What a great opportunity for your kids! Since the rarer the commodity the more valuable it becomes, we can give our children a powerful advantage in the workforce...and in life...if we teach them. Listed below are some tips:
Model good manners.
What a bummer. This is the hardest part for me!
Set enforceable limits on behavior by describing what you will do or allow.
"We will stay at the restaurant as long as you guys can sit in your chairs, use quiet voices, and follow directions," is an example of an enforceable limit.
Follow through with empathy and logical consequences.
One mother wasn’t afraid to get serious:
I’d been practicing table manners with my three ADHD boys, and I decided to take them out for a practice session. As soon as we ordered our meals, they started acting horrible. I guess they didn’t believe I’d do anything about it. I said, "How sad, we need to go," and I took them right home. Now they get frequent compliments from others when we go out in public. The cost of that uneaten meal was sure worth it!
— Dr. Charles Fay
Love & Logic
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QSK again: What do you think? Have you tried the same approach with your kids? If so, comment and let me know how it worked for your family.
Comments
There's nothing better than good old fashioned logical consequences. Children need to know what the rules are and that the parent will enforce them without guilt or apology (at least the children shouldn't be able to tell you feel guilty although you sometimes do).
QSMama, you should remember a couple of instances of that for which you still haven't forgiven me! I was following professional advice from a popular book at the time, honestly.
Posted by: QSNana | January 17, 2007 06:47 PM
My wife & I attended a Love & Logic course last year in preparation for our (still) upcoming adoption. Since then, I've also read the L&L book and we've watched some of the videos. Their whole approach sync's very much with they way my wife & I were raised as children and the way we hope to be able to raise ours.
The Love & Logic website has a wealth of helpful info.
Posted by: Rob O. | February 5, 2007 03:45 AM