Am I on camera? Are you all hiding in an adjacent room, laughing your heads off as I use my one free hand to press the dispenser, then whip my hand over to try to catch the pink stuff before it falls out of the other end? This only to watch soap ooze into the sink, half a beat faster than my and my child’s hands, over and over and over?

Seriously, am I providing fodder for “America’s Most Hilarious Restaurant Videos”? Because that’s what it feels like—on a good day. On the hard days, it just makes me want to scream.

So to anyone out there who’s designing a restaurant bathroom: Please, please don’t install these long-necked soap dispensers that require two hands, one to press and one to catch. I can’t catch the soap when I’m using one arm to hoist a wriggling, thirty-pound toddler up to the sink. and the other to wash her ever-moving hands.

Normally, I like this kind of design. It’s streamlined. Even elegant. But in this case, form just has to give way to function.

Moms and Dads, are you with me on this one?